Rant Zone: That One Friend in the Moms Group Who Always Asks for Help (But Never Returns the Favor)

Okay, grab your coffee or wine (I’m not here to judge), because it’s time for a rant. You know that one friend in your moms’ group? The one who, for some inexplicable reason, always seems to have an emergency and is constantly sliding into your DMs asking for help? Always. She needs someone to pick up her kid from school because "work’s crazy today" (and I’m sitting here working like it’s a 24/7 gig). Or maybe she’s asking if you can lend her some baby clothes, a toy, or even a car seat. She’s got her hands full, she says. But when the tables turn and you’re in the weeds, looking for a hand—crickets.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Let’s be clear here: I get it. We’re all busy, we’ve all got our own chaos going on, and I’m happy to help out. Really, I am! But there’s something that makes me twitch every time I see her name pop up on my phone. It’s the never-ending cycle of her needing help with everything, but not so much as a “Hey, how’s it going?” when I’m drowning in my own to-do list. It’s exhausting. It’s like I’m some unpaid, overworked concierge at her service.

And here's the kicker: My inability to say "no" (or even "hell no") just made it worse. I kept saying yes, kept offering my help—because, of course, I’m the good friend who always comes through, right? Well, spoiler alert: That constant “yes” added more stress to my plate than a Thanksgiving dinner with extended family. It was a major contributor to my burnout, and frankly, I’m over it.

Let me just say, there’s only so much a person can give before their mental health gives them the middle finger. I was helping her out of guilt, out of habit, out of "what kind of friend would I be if I said no?" But guess what? That "good friend" routine isn’t worth it when it’s costing me my sanity. And let’s be real—when you’re constantly being the go-to mom for everyone else’s emergencies, you start losing your own spark. You become a yes-man (or yes-woman), and your own needs take a back seat.

And here's the real kicker: If I ever asked her for help? Cue the silence. It’s like trying to get a response from a ghost. My requests got ignored faster than a toddler’s tantrum. So, I started getting frustrated—and trust me, that frustration didn’t stay in my head. I was snapping at my husband, feeling resentful, and (surprise!) spiraling deeper into burnout. All because I was too afraid to say “no” to a person who wouldn’t even reciprocate when I needed help.

So, here’s my advice for you: If you’ve got a friend like this, you have to learn how to say “no.” Nicely, of course, but firmly. It’s okay to not always be the one who picks up the slack. Your mental health matters more than being the "helpful" friend that gets walked all over. If you’re the one doing all the giving and getting nothing in return, maybe it’s time to rethink that relationship. You’re allowed to set boundaries. You’re allowed to protect your energy. And trust me, you’ll be a better friend (and mom) when you’re not constantly running on empty.

Moral of the story? If someone always expects you to help and never offers it in return, they’re not your friend—they’re an emotional vampire. So, go ahead and give that "no" a try. It's liberating. And guess what? It might just help you avoid that burnout we’re all trying to dodge.

-Fabi